Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
