the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize