First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
