p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
