I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
