Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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