I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
