Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize