A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I need to align my fucking chakras
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