Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
