someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
