These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
