Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
