Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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