if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize