some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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