Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
