I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
