i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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