so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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