you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
