In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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