its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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