Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Who died my cat blue again?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
