I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize