So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
