The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Your face is a jimmy john
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
