I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
