I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
