Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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