he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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