1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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