How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize