My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
