did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
