Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
