beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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