my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
