I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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