Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
