I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
