I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
