Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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