im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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