Betty ford says i'm here all night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
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