Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
