you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
