you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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