just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
