My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
