The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize