Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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