Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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