i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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