I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
