I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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