Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
