Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
