47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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