you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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