Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
