I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize