I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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