he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
