Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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