Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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