2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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