my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
