I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
